


cupidpi: luv doctor extraordinaire

by thunderylee



Category: Japanese Actor RPF, NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, F/M, Romance, member love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-14
Updated: 2009-02-14
Packaged: 2019-02-01 21:26:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: As leader, it’s Yamapi’s duty to make sure all of his members have a Valentine.





	cupidpi: luv doctor extraordinaire

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

On Valentine’s Day morning, Massu walked into the NewS room to see Yamapi sitting on the floor, surrounded by pictures and muttering to himself.

“No, she’ll eat him alive,” Yamapi was saying, moving the pictures around. “I think _she_ once said that she’d rather walk on hot coals than share air with him.”

Massu could almost hear Ryo’s eyeroll from beside him. “I bet he’s talking about me.”

“What’s going on?” Massu whispered, not wanting to interrupt Leader when he was plotting.

“Yamapi has decided,” Ryo started in his serious voice, which meant that he was being facetious, “that since he can’t have ~true love~ on this special day, the rest of us will instead.”

“What,” Massu replied blankly.

“My reaction exactly,” Ryo told him. “Only my eyebrows were more raised.”

“Why can’t he have ~true love~?” Massu asked, being careful to pronounce the tildes correctly.

Ryo sighed. “That is the million dollar question, Buta. Unfortunately – for us – he’s worked with practically every female in Japan, and they all adore him.”

Massu smiled brightly. “Leader is a good person.”

“Yeah,” Ryo scoffed, clapping Massu on the shoulder. “We’ll see if you still think that way in twenty-four hours.”

As Ryo headed to the pull-up bar to do upside-down crunches, Massu snuck a peek over Yamapi’s shoulder. He saw head shots of all six of them, plus two smiley faces that were labeled Uchi and Kusano (Uchi had a tiara while Kusano’s tongue was sticking out), and a _pile_ of girls he didn’t know. He recognized a few of them from TV but couldn’t recall their names, except for one who had been placed halfway between Shige and Tegoshi.

“Yui-chan?” Massu said, then cleared his throat as Yamapi looked up at him questioningly. “Wouldn’t she go well with Koyama?”

Yamapi tilted his head in thought, then poked the Gakki picture until it was by the Koyama one. Both Massu and Yamapi studied them until Yamapi shook his head frantically. “No, they’re both too shy. They’ll never get anywhere.”

“Where exactly are they supposed to go?” Massu asked warily.

In response, Yamapi gave him a knowing look and Massu blinked back at him. He figured he was better off not knowing and searched for his own picture. “You don’t have anyone for me yet?”

“You’re difficult,” Yamapi replied bluntly. “I’m saving you for last.”

Massu wasn’t quite sure how to take that, so he let it go. “Well anyway, good luck getting us dates!”

“Hrmph,” Yamapi grumbled as he got back to work.

::

By lunchtime, Yamapi had a partner in crime.

“No no,” Tegoshi said firmly, swatting Yamapi’s wrist as they continued to match up pictures. “Maki-chan told me out of everyone in NewS, she would date Shige _last_.”

Across the room, Shige pretended not to hear them.

“But she’s really smart,” Yamapi protested. “They could be intellectual together.”

“He’s also very haughty,” Tegoshi pointed out. “Maki-chan doesn’t like those kinds of guys.”

“So you’re out too,” Shige called over his shoulder, smirking at Tegoshi.

Tegoshi beamed. “She adores me, but we’re just friends. Ooh, how about _her_?”

Massu watched in interest over the back of the couch as Yamapi quickly grabbed a picture and shoved it under a smaller pile to the side. He couldn’t see much, but it looked like a glamorous girl with big hair and even bigger nails.

“She wasn’t supposed to be there,” Yamapi mumbled, his face starting to turn red. “I don’t think any of you want to go out with her.”

“Why not?” Tegoshi made big, innocent eyes. “That was Koda Kumi, wasn’t it? Why is she off-limits?”

Yamapi’s response was too low for Massu to hear, but Ryo caught it and nearly choked himself from trying not to laugh.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Ryo interrupted, kneeling next to Yamapi and pointing at the small pile. “You mean to tell me that you _slept_ with these girls?”

Tegoshi’s face lit up. “Oh, I don’t care about that.”

“Koda Kumi,” Shige repeated. “Nice job, Yamashita.”

“It wasn’t my idea,” Yamapi tried to say, but nobody was listening as they looked through the off-limits pile and gawked at him.

Meanwhile, Koyama woke up from his nap. “What are you doing, Leader?”

“Getting us dates for tonight,” Ryo answered for him.

Koyama blinked. “With girls?”

Shige kicked him. “No, with potatoes.”

Sleepily, Koyama squinted at the pictures. “Why is Masuda in a corner all by himself?”

“I’m difficult,” Massu answered helpfully.

“You know,” Tegoshi said suddenly, “it’s counterproductive to do this while you all are _here_.”

“Do the girls know about this?” Koyama asked.

“Of course not,” Yamapi replied. “They would kill me.”

Koyama frowned. “So how do you know they’re free tonight?”

Yamapi stopped and shared a glance with Tegoshi, and Massu thought that they must have honestly not considered that possibility until right now.

Instantly Yamapi grabbed for his phone, then seemed to notice everyone watching him and took it outside. Tegoshi continued moving around pictures like he was playing a card game, Shige went back to his book, Koyama went back to sleep, and Ryo continued to scrutinize the pictures of girls Yamapi’s been with.

Massu felt like he needed some fresh air and got to his feet, heading outside into the dreary winter day. He walked down the street to the convenience store for something to drink and nearly tripped over his feet at the sight of her.

Small, slender, straight hair and a big smile. What caught his attention the most were her purple and yellow leggings that disappeared under a short purple skirt with ruffles. She seemed so bright for such a gloomy day, even as she turned to see him staring at her like some kind of crazy fanboy.

Before he could explain himself, a familiar face poked through the door. “Chisa-chan, they’re calling us back now.” Kanjani8’s Maruyama grinned when he saw Massu. “Masuda, hey! Are you filming today?”

“No, working,” Massu replied in a surprisingly calm voice.

“Ah,” said Maruyama. “We’re in the middle of filming -”

“On _Valentine’s_ Day,” the girl named Chisa said remorsefully. Her voice was feminine but strong, and Massu wanted to hear more of it. “How am I supposed to get a date when I’m shooting until ten o’clock at night?”

Massu started to shrug, but Maruyama saved him. “Chisa-chan, we have to _go_ …”

“Okay, okay,” she said reluctantly, looking back at Massu as the other gently pulled her out of the store. Massu stared after her until she finally faced forward and grudgingly followed Maruyama until they were both out of sight.

It wasn’t until he got back to the Johnny’s building that Massu realized he hadn’t bought anything.

::

“Eri-chan, listen to me -” Yamapi was pleading, making gestures at the wall while Ryo silently made fun of him. “Don’t be like that. I wouldn’t set you up with him if he wasn’t a good guy!” He sighed as she said something. “Fine, which one do you want to go out with?”

Everyone stopped what they were doing when Yamapi squeaked. “ _Koyama_?!”

Then everyone looked at Koyama. “Woo-hoo!” he screamed quickly.

Massu peered at Yamapi curiously as the latter looked absolutely shocked. “Well then, you’ll go out with Koyama. He’ll pick you up at seven.”

Koyama looked at his watch. “I only have four hours!”

“At least you have a date,” Shige grumbled. “Yamashita sucks at this matchmaker thing.”

Yamapi failed to hear him as he hung up the phone. “Well, Kei, I got you a Valentine. Toda Erika-chan. I’ll write you directions to her house.”

Mouthing the name, Koyama’s face takes on a blank expression.

“And cue freak out,” Shige said calmly.

While Koyama did exactly that, Yamapi dialed another number and Massu went back to his stretches because there was still no picture next to his name.

::

Uchi and Kusano weren’t supposed to be in the NewS room, but they snuck in anyway. “I hear Yamapi got us dates!” Uchi squealed excitedly.

“You were impossible,” Ryo told him with a smirk. “Girls usually don’t like to date other girls.”

In response, Uchi maturely stuck his tongue out.

“So we gave you Sawajiri,” Ryo said fondly. “She’s the only person I could think of who’s prissier than you.”

Uchi looked thoughtful. “I suppose she’s pretty enough. But what has she done lately?”

“Nothing, that’s why she agreed to this.” Ryo grinned. “She’s slumming it.”

Uchi frowned.

“She’s also really easy,” Ryo added.

The frown turned into a sly smile.

Meanwhile, Kusano was gaping at Yamapi. “You want me to take out your sister?”

“She’s looking forward to it,” Yamapi said happily. “And I know you’ll treat her well.”

Kusano blinked. “ _Me_?”

Tegoshi patted him on the shoulder. “Better to not elaborate on that.”

“‘Kay,” Kusano said, still bewildered. “Who’s your date, Tegoshi?”

Uncharacteristically bashful, Tegoshi’s eyes darted to the side. “It’s funny, really, how things happen.”

Yamapi snorted knowingly, because he’d been the one who made the call to his old friend and heard for himself who she wanted to go out with.

“I was wrong,” Tegoshi said with a shrug. “I guess Maki-chan and I aren’t just friends after all.”

Koyama slung an arm around his shoulder, standing tall and a little teary-eyed. “This was such a good idea, Yamapi.”

Yamapi was trying not to smile as he made another call.

::

Ryo fixed Shige’s tie and folded his arms. “You know what to do with girls, right Kato?”

He was immediately shoved away by Shige and his angry eyebrows. “Shut up, ass.”

“You don’t have to act tough,” Ryo said in a lower voice. “Everybody knows you’re a virgin.”

Shige gasped and turned red. “I am not! What do you know about me?”

“Shhh!” Yamapi hissed from his kitchen, where he sounded like he was finalizing plans on the phone for the seventh time that day.

Massu knew it was for him. He was the only person left without a date even though Koyama and Shige were about to leave for theirs. Since their destinations were similar, Koyama had offered to drive Shige and Shige’s date, someone whom Yamapi had to go through several people to find. Massu only knows her as the crazy girl from Hana Yori Dango, but apparently her name is Satou Megumi and she has a taste for knowledge like Shige.

“Brain sex,” Ryo had commented, and Shige had looked only a little scared.

Ryo, on the other hand, had ended up arguing with his date before it was even decided. Once Ryo knew it was Nagasawa Masami whom Yamapi was talking to, trying to get her to go out with him (much to her distaste), he had stolen the phone and yelled for a good five minutes before hanging up and telling Yamapi that they’d be meeting at the bar they’d frequented during their filming together.

“Bitch thinks she can drink me under the table,” he’d said. “I’ll show her.”

Now Yamapi hung up the phone and fell against the wall. “I did it!” he exclaimed.

“I have a date?” Massu asked in surprise.

Yamapi nodded. “Yes, but not until later.”

“What about you, CupidPi?” Ryo teased. “Are you and Dumbass going to celebrate your guy love by gorging on chocolates and watching porn?”

“‘Dumbass’ has a girlfriend,” Jin spoke up from the other room, then strutted out towards them in a full suit. “That’s what you get to look forward to when you grow up, Ryo-chan.”

Ryo rolled his eyes. “Nishiyama is psycho.”

“Yeah,” Jin admitted. “But she puts out. _Peace_.”

He disappeared and Yamapi gave his bandmates apologetic looks. “If you think that’s bad, he tells me that Kamenashi and Koki are on a date with the _same girl_.”

“Are you sure it’s a girl?” Tegoshi asked.

Yamapi made a face. “Yes, and she’s a good friend of Maki-chan’s.”

Tegoshi laughed. “Ah, she always said that Meisa-chan was adventurous.”

“We’re leaving now,” Koyama said shakily, nearly leaning on Shige to keep himself upright.

“Wait.” Yamapi grabbed a bucket from the kitchen and plopped it down on the table. “Don’t ask questions, just take one.”

Massu’s eyes widened to see the bucket half-filled with condoms. All kinds of styles and colors and… flavors. Shige had to grab one for Koyama as well, Ryo took a handful, Uchi wrinkled his nose as he picked through them for the right one, Tegoshi claimed he had his own, and Yamapi smacked Kusano’s hand as he went to reach in.

“I mean, I’m not going to touch your sister,” Kusano said quickly, his face paling.

Yamapi took a deep breath and resolutely looked the other way.

One by one Massu watched as his bandmates left, save for Yamapi who remained on the couch with him, both of them completely dressed down. “Are you sure I shouldn’t go home and change?” he asked for the eighth time.

“You’re fine,” Yamapi replied for the eighth time, and even though he’d been told so many times, Massu still regarded his regular clothes skeptically. “Trust me.”

Massu was still doubtful when the doorbell rang, but his doubt was immediately overcome by apprehension. Unlike the others, he didn’t know who his date was yet. Yamapi seemed keen on surprising him, which was definitely his reaction as Yamapi opened the door to the brightly-colored girl named Chisa.

“Masuda-kun, right?” she said, her tone as vivid as her clothes. “I’m sorry I’m so late. Do you still want to go out?”

Massu opened his mouth a few times but nothing came out, so he settled for a nod and an incredulous look towards Yamapi.

He’d never seen Yamapi smile so big. “There are no secrets in Kanjani8, Buta.”

Then he turned back to Chisa. “Wh-where do you want to go?”

She shrugged. “Anywhere. I have a car.”

As he walks out the door with his colorful Valentine, Massu feels like he’s walking on air and thinks Yamapi is the best leader, ever.

::

> ~Koyama~

“So how did you like the movie?

Toda Erika pursed her lips together and looked towards the sky as she walked slowly. “It was pretty bad.”

“What? Really?” Koyama replied. “But it got such good reviews.”

“It was _crap_ ,” Erika assured him. “That’s two hours of my life I will never get back.”

Koyama, who had been feeling more at ease since they left the theater, faltered a little in his walking. “I’m sorry, I -”

“But it was okay,” Erika continued like Koyama hadn’t spoken. “Because you were there to make it bearable.”

Koyama froze and stared at her.

“You’re cute when you’re really into something,” she went on. “It’s actually not fair for me to judge the movie when I was watching you more than the screen.”

Words fly around in Koyama’s head, none of them surfacing as Erika _grabbed his hand_ and gently tugged him towards her.

“I don’t have any chocolates for you,” she confessed. “But I have chocolate-flavored lip gloss.”

> ~Shige~

“Very interesting,” Megumi mused, folding her arms as she examined the exhibit.

Next to her, Shige was gaping. “Is that -?”

“It is,” Megumi interrupted. “Can you be anymore childish about it?”

“But it’s a-”

He was cut off when Megumi stepped on his foot. Hard. “Don’t make me embarrassed to be seen with you, Kato. I’ll make Yoko pay and then he’ll make you pay.”

Shige gulped and stared at the giant neon replica of the female anatomy. “It’s… orange.”

Megumi smirked. “It never really gets that color.”

“I know that,” he hissed, face flushing.

“You’re the one who wanted to come to a contemporary art gallery,” Megumi said calmly. “Don’t you know that all artists are secretly perverts?”

Shige nodded, more to himself than to Megumi. “I don’t know, this one looks fairly open about it.”

She laughed, a light, flirty sound, one which Shige was so unaccustomed to hearing that he was still baffled when Megumi grabbed his arm and pulled them into a pose right in front of the sculpture. “This one’s for my blog!” she exclaimed, and Shige barely had time to flash the peace sign before she whipped out her digital camera and captured this moment forever.

Shige insisted on a copy, if only to flaunt in Ryo’s face. Nothing wins an argument like a larger-than-life clay vagina in hot orange.

> ~Ryo~

“You… are the worst…” Masami slurred, slamming her shot glass down on the table in punctuation.

“The worst what?” Ryo taunted her, practically leaning into her face because he couldn’t see much farther than that. “The worst at taking your shit?”

“You cheated!” she shrieked, but nobody turned towards them in concern because nobody else was there.

“Closing time,” the bartender called out, and they both groaned.

“I hate you,” Masami growled. “Come home with me.”

In response, Ryo kissed her. She kissed back with a vengeance, almost like they were competing until she was halfway in his lap and they both had to pull back for much needed air.

“Definitely not the worst at that,” she whispered against his lips.

“My slutty Valentine,” Ryo said with a smile, earning a slug to the arm before she grabbed him by the hair and dragged him into a cab.

> ~Uchi~

Uchi peered at his wine glass, doing that swishy thing that Kamenashi did in his drama. He made a big show of smelling the wine, then taking the smallest sip with a look of absolute bliss on his face.

“If you’re trying to impress me, you’re going about it all wrong,” Sawajiri Erika told him as she picked at her dinner. “And isn’t it a little disrespectful of you to be drinking in public?”

“I’m twenty-two!” Uchi replied defensively. “You’re such a bitch.”

Erika smiled. “But so are you. Isn’t that why we’re here?”

Uchi offered his wine glass in a mock toast. “May the bitches always win,” he declared.

Clicking his glass with hers, Erika tilted her head to study him. “Aren’t you going to ask me what you should do to impress me?”

“No,” Uchi answered bluntly. “Maybe you should be trying to impress _me_.”

Instead of responding, Erika dipped one finger into the sour cream on her baked potato and sucked it into her mouth, slowly flicking the substance with her tongue.

Uchi inhaled sharply, his pants starting to feel a little tight as he glanced around the table and settled on a roll. He smushed it up until it looked vaguely pornographic and brought it to his lips, moving his own tongue as fast as he could manage over the middle part.

“Better,” she told him as she crossed her legs. “You’re a fast learner.”

He met her eyes and saw the competition in them, knowing that whether he won or lost, he would play a good game.

> ~Tegoshi~

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tegoshi asked gently, swinging his legs off of the dock as he looked out into the dark, dark ocean.

Maki shivered and leaned closer when Tegoshi tightened his arm around her. “You’re so _arrogant_ ,” she said with a laugh. “I imagined if I ever told you, you’d flip your hair and say, ‘I know.'”

“I’m not _that_ bad.” Tegoshi smiled. “Am I being arrogant now?”

“Actually -” she started, ducking when he leaned in to kiss her. “Just… let’s take it slow, okay?”

Tegoshi wasn’t sure what to think, not used to being denied as he pulled back and met her eyes. “Of course. Whatever you want.”

Underneath her fringe of hair, Maki smirked. She took his hand and laced their fingers, not missing the irony of someone like him being wrapped around them.

> ~Kusano~

“Ready? One, two, three-”

Like a cannon they shot off, sprinting across the park and through a makeshift obstacle course until they reached the other side.

“I beat you _again_!” Rina said smugly, nudging him in the shoulder as they both stopped to catch their respective breaths.

“I let you win,” Kusano replied.

Rina rolled her eyes. “Whatever. You’re out of shape.”

“Food,” Kusano sputtered, pointing in the general direction of the main street.

With a laugh, Rina grabbed him by the arm and led him over to the row of little family-owned restaurants. They picked one and sat down, both of their faces bright red from being so active in the cold.

Kusano leaned over his bowl of steaming curry, letting the warmth thaw him out while Rina peered at him over her own bowl. “My brother must like you a lot,” she said. “He never let me date his friends before.”

Now Kusano’s face was red for a different reason. “I don’t know why I’m still his favorite. I’ve been gone for almost three years.”

“He failed you,” Rina told him bluntly. “My guess is that he’s trying to make up for it by giving you me.”

Kusano choked on his bite. “Can you rephrase that?”

Giggling, Rina poked him under the table with her shoe. “Do I have to?”

Kusano had never eaten so fast in his life.

> ~Massu~

Chisa sang softly along with the song on the radio, which Massu found himself bopping his head to as they cruised.

“You like?” she asked. “This is my keyboardist’s other band. The girl singing is Koda Kumi’s younger sister.”

It was then that Massu realized he knew nothing about this girl. “You’re in a band?”

She laughed and shook her hair out of her face. “Let me play you some of my music.”

The minute Massu heard her voice, he was entranced. He caught her glancing towards him, watching his reaction, and all she did was smile.

“Karaoke then?” she suggested. “It’s late but I know an all-night place.”

Their outfits seemed to match the loud patterns and flashing lights of the karaoke room, but nothing compared to the way Chisa’s face lit up when _Massu_ started singing.

::

Massu had his date drop him off back at Yamapi and Jin’s apartment instead of taking him all the way home; certainly Leader wouldn’t mind someone on his couch until the trains started running again.

Except that there was already someone on the couch, quite a few someones judging by the mountain of limbs sticking out from the one blanket. The bed of the couch had been pulled out and there were no less than seven people piled on top of each other.

“Yay, Massu’s here!” Tegoshi’s sleepy voice drifted. “We all came back.”

“Be quiet,” groaned Ryo. “I have a headache.”

Shige looked scandalized, although Massu couldn’t tell whether it was from his date or the way Ryo was utilizing him as a body pillow.

“But what about your dates?” Massu inquired disbelievingly.

“They’re over,” said Koyama simply. “And don’t ask those guys what they did because I don’t think I can sit through it again.”

Ryo, Uchi, and Kusano all grinned without opening their eyes.

Tegoshi ignored them and tried not to look disappointed. “We wanted to thank Leader for going through all of the trouble to set us up, but he was already asleep.”

Sure enough, Yamapi was in the middle of the pile, sprawled out on his back with his bandmates surrounding him. His hair was pulled back on top of his head and he was dead to the world, oblivious to the six other bodies who were curled up next to him.

“I think he was waiting up for us,” Uchi said quietly as he traced Yamapi’s hairline with one finger. “I can’t think of any other reason he’d be on the couch.”

“Thank you, Leader,” Kusano whispered, a little sniffly (from the cold, the _cold_ ) as he planted a kiss on Yamapi’s cheek.

Yamapi grunted in his sleep, then turned onto his side and captured Kusano in an unconscious bear hug. The others laughed softly but Kusano didn’t seem to mind, burrowing into the embrace and falling asleep while Tegoshi pointed to the space Yamapi left behind.

“Massu? There’s room for you right here.”

Somehow Massu managed to climb over people and settle in the warm spot just big enough for him, Yamapi’s firm back on one side and the sharp bones of a clingy Koyama on the other. Tegoshi started playing with his hair and Uchi made sure everyone was tucked in, eight breathing patterns slowing down until Massu succumbed to dreamworld, playing back the events of his date as well as the closeness of his group now.

When he woke up, he started to tell Ryo that he still thought that Yamapi was a good person, but he was pretty sure that Ryo’s head was pounding too hard for him to hear anything.

“Hey,” Yamapi says in his morning voice, squirming as he slowly wakes up. “Why are you all here?”

Tegoshi leaned across Ryo and Shige to push his finger right into the top of Yamapi’s nose. “We’re your Valentines, silly!”

Massu didn’t think that seven people could hug another at the same time, but he just added it to the long list of things he’d learned since NewS formed.

“ _Ow_ ,” Ryo whined.

“I can’t breathe,” Shige gasped.

Koyama’s eyes were shiny.

Kusano was still asleep in Yamapi’s arms, snoring lightly.

Uchi and Tegoshi were flicking Yamapi’s ponytail back and forth.

Yamapi smiled happily, and Massu thought that this was the perfect ending to this story.

> ~bonus~

At five o’clock in the morning, Jin stumbled in the front door, wincing at his sore muscles from the marathon sex he just had with his crazy girlfriend. He stopped short at the sight of eight people on his couch, none of whom were women, and made a face.

He texted Kame. _If we ever become as gay as NewS, we’re disbanding_.

His phone beeped almost immediately. “Undeliverable?” Jin muttered. “Asshole must have blocked me again.”

Somehow that was comforting.


End file.
